"How are you doing today?"
My Brain Just Shut Down!
Seriously. My brain has just
instantly flipped into question and answer mode. A minute ago you smiled at me,
and could have just said "Hi."
I've never understood why it was
necessary to use this question as a greeting. If you ask me a question, I am
going to answer it. After all, why would you ask something you didn't want to
know right?
My husband says that it is just a
way of being polite, a way to acknowledge someone. To which my reply was,
"Why can't you just say hello, if it is just an acknowledgement?"
To those without Asperger's this may
sounds like a ridiculously silly little thing. To them, it is understood that
the person doesn't really want to know how you are doing. They just ask to be
polite.
What they fail to realize is that, I
do understand it is a form of social nicety. I do. I do not fail to comprehend
this. But—when I am going about my
business, thinking about something, answering the telephone, making an
appointment, or walking into an office to ask for something, and you ask me how
I am doing. My brain shuts down.
What I was doing was interrupted
with a question. I lost my train of thought, and I usually begin to answer the
question. The problem is that I tend to remember too late that I wasn't
supposed to answer. The correct response is: Fine, how are you? And then
continue talking as if no-one asked any questions.
My highly logical brain finds this
completely illogical! To make things worse, it takes me a few seconds to remember
that I am not being asked a question I’m supposed to answer, and many times I
am left standing there feeling like a complete idiot.
Thoughts Are Interupted
My thoughts were already interrupted,
my focus high-jacked, and I am beginning to formulate my answer. How am
I doing today? Is it compared to yesterday, in general, or is the question
about my work? Was I productive today? Crap! I’m off schedule. Wait...OH YEAH!
This isn't a real question, disregard, and
pull out standard correct answer: Fine,
how are you?
Sound crazy? It makes me feel
crazy.
As some of you know a couple of
weeks ago, I decided to go a professional budgeting/financial counselor to try
to get my craziness in order, again. I called, left a message, and was waiting
for a call back with an appointment time. When the phone rang I knew it was my
call back (caller I.D. of course). I answered.
Me: Hello?
Caller: Mrs. (Aspie Writer)? This is Ms. Counselor from Counseling
Services. How are you doing today?
Me: Oh...umm…ugh, yes.
Then the beating begins…
The tape player in brain started
playback with voice over. You idiot! How
are you doing today? Oh...umm...ugh...yes....really? You sounded like a babbling
idiot. She is going to wonder what in the world is wrong with you. Maybe I
should have just answered the question. I am not doing real well today, I
called her. That would indicated I need help with something; therefore, I am not
doing just fine.
Something similar to this will
happens almost every time I encounter this innocent nicety. My brain flips from
greeting mode, to question and answer mode. Then it takes me a few moments to
realize it and switch back. By that time, I have forgotten what I was doing or
going to say, and/or missed part of the conversation.
In the above example, I missed the
first part of our telephone conversation because I was still stuck on
the question and the inner monologue going inside my head. I completely missed
what the woman said, and wound up having to make repeat it. I was then quite
frustrated with myself. My brain is exhausting!
So my question is:
Why can't you please, JUST SAY HI?
Just one innocent, little,
half-baked question throws stumbling blocks in my path. Am I alone in this?
Does this drive anyone else to distraction? Have you found yourself really
answering the question, only to realize that you were standing there going on
and on and no-one cared?
